ASK CHAKI!

Anonymous asked: do you know any hot dudes that you can hook me up with?

If you like beer bellies and beards I think I can help you!

Anonymous asked: How do you feel about my new haircut? Do you like it?

No. Looks like shit.

Anonymous asked: chaki is it true that if you pretend to shake salt on the back of your tongue you will taste salt?

Hmm.. Let me try…

HEY!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous asked: theres a guy i was seeing and really liked... then i got all bipolar and he had some problems too so it stopped. i still text him obsessively (thats the manic part) and he is pprobably really freaked out- rightfully so.
anyways Im going to be working with this guy again in a couple months and im embarrassed and ashamed and still have that part in me that likes him (thats the crazy brain)
what the hell should i do? (aside from dr's and medication) i cant get a new job...

Yikes! Self control, self control, self control.

I wish you added more details, ie: does he answer your obsessive texts? Does he hate you? Etc. But working with what I have here all I can say is, MOVE ON. STOP TEXTING HIM. I know it’s hard, but you can’t live like this! Go out with your friends and get wasted as much as possible! Meet new boys to be obsessed with! SLEEP WITH NEW COOL BROS.

You have a couple of months to complete your mission. If you follow my words wisely, you WILL have no problem seeing this guy at work again. GOOD LUCK! AND DON’T FORGET TO ALWAYS ASK CHAKI! :)

Anonymous asked: is it too late for me to start listening to afrika bambaataa? i feel like i may have missed a better window...

TBH Afrika Bambaataa hasn’t released many good albums but like go for it I guess. It IS too late for you to get into Bowie or Kraftwerk though, jerk.

Anonymous asked: The summer is almost over, but i have yet to experience The Summer Romance.
What to do, what to do?

Oh shit… I waited too long to answer this. Sorry I suck, young virgin!

Anonymous asked: dear chaki: should i be a jerk and eat the last cookie or save it for my husband.

Need more info. Are they Newman-O’s? If so, eat that shit. Otherwise don’t be a jerk. EVER!!!

Anonymous asked: HOW MUCH IS STAMPS!!!!!!

STAMPS IS LIKE NINTY DOLLARS!!!

Anonymous asked: where do all the rejected questions go? is someone else going to answer those?

No questions are ever rejected. Just put on the back burner.

threeframes asked: hi chaki-

I heard you just got back from a visit to sunny Los Angeles California. Was it all you dreamed it would be?

Surf dudes with attitudes
(Kinda groovy)
Laid back moods
Sky above, sand below
(Good vibrations)
Feelin' mellow

Don't wake me up
Don't wanna stop

CHORUS:

(Don't wake me up)
Don't wake me up if I'm dreaming
(California dreams)
Just let me lay here in the sun
Until my dream is done

Extended lyrics:

Palm trees, ocean breeze
(Let's go cruising)
You and me
Salt air, sun bleached hair
(Endless summer)
Take me there

Won't let it go
Want more and more

CHORUS

Noise and confusion
Tough times in the neighborhood
Let me keep my illusion
These dreams are good

(guitar solo)

Anonymous asked: Why don't dogs ever step in shit?

This is untrue. I’ve seen Marmaduke and Odie with shit all over their whole legs and feet like so many times.

Anonymous asked: hey dude, do you think Fleetwood Mac's "Future Games" on vinyl is worth paying $5 for? the record and cover are in really good condition, but there is no insert.

Yah dude! That album is pretty rad. Bob Welch is a ripper and Morning Rain is a killer track!

brokenloop asked: How does one achieve "Chaki-like" success on tumblr and in life?

These are the types of answers I will only reveal once I get my book deal and/or CBS midsummer replacement pilot.

Anonymous asked: I think I just found an ancient earring hook left in my hallway from a Victorian ghost that lived in my house many, many years ago. I believe this because none of my flatmates know where it came from and it looks very vintage. We are really good about cleaning the floors so it seems to have appeared out of nowhere. Is the ghost trying to tell us something? The dangly part is missing.

I know you want me to reassure your ghost theory for you, but the harsh, difficult truth bomb I’m going to drop on you might just blow your mind. That earring was just left by your flatmate’s cokehead hipster “pal” that came over the other night. Sorry.

Anonymous asked: I read some tips on how to avoid PMS symptoms - cramps, bloating, etc, but everything is completely opposite the types of things I want to do and that comfort me when I feel like crap (from PMS)... they say to avoid junk food, no caffeine, no alcohol, no excess sodium, and to exercise. I find it really difficult to do that when I have PMS. What gives?

This is all apart of God’s cruel plan to punish you. In the meantime, try these helpful tips:

• Black Currant Tea. Drink this!!! And lots of it!!!
• Cherries are a great way to feel like you’re snacking on junk food while getting all your essential antioxidants! 
• Lots of sex! Get it while you can, gurl! HAYYYYYYYY!

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